2 years later

Hahahahaha. It's now two years since I started this blog. Amazing how once again I don't follow through with anything. It's a shame I am that way.

I lost 70 pounds from my gastric bypass in March 2008 then started drinking in September 2008 and my weight creeped back on. I've managed to keep 55-60 lbs off but I am constantly battleing with myself to stay in control and lose more weight. I went on Nutri Systems last year and lost 10 pounds in two months. My biggest problem is that I can eat just right but I'm not moving. I dream of exercising from the second I wake up in the morning to the time I go to bed but for some reason I don't get off my butt and just move. I'm not sure what is holding me back. Why am I so afraid? I know that when I have exercised in the past I felt powerful and happy. It makes me feel strong. I hate being the party pooper all the time. I have a voice in my ear all the time saying "Quit moping and being a downer and just get up and move. You can't change if you don't do something about it." I'm not kidding when I say it's in my ear all the time. Everyone around me is exercising and trying to get me to come with them and I want to sooooo bad. WHAT AM I AFRAID OF?

I'm tired of making excuses all the time so I'm not going to. I am going to just start gradually fitting some kind of exercise into my day even if it's for 5 minutes just so I can get myself to see it's not so scary. The weird thing is, when I am working out I can really push myself. I think of the Biggest Loser people and how they are so much bigger than me and they get pushed so hard and still do it. I will sit at home watching them and cry because I wished it was me doing it. What kind of a idiot does that? For God sakes if you want to exercise do it. I have my legs and arms so JUST DO IT!

Ok enough of this insanity. I need to stop bitching and start moving. Until the next time........